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19 May 2006 @ 05:02 am
SILENCE AND TEARS, CHAPTER 14  


Whatever I do, I can’t limp. If I limp, he’ll know. If he knows, he’ll get all torqued. So he can’t know. He has enough to deal with right now. So I can’t limp. Why the fuck would I pick now to try snowboarding for the first time? I’m a decent skier, maybe not black diamond ready, but close enough. But do I stick with that? No. I have to try snowboarding because it looks like so much fun. And it was. For about five minutes until I hit air and the board and I parted company. I landed funny on my left ankle. It’s not broken or anything, I know that would make it impossible for me to move it, but it hurts. I sit down on a bench at the chalet, waiting for the shuttle back to the hotel, and loosen my boot so I can get a look at it.

Maybe a little swollen, but nothing major, I decide. I try to rotate it and it will do as told, but it hurts. “Are you okay?”

I look up at Dr. Trick. He appears very pro in his tres chic ski gear. I don’t really want to admit vulnerability to him, but he is a doctor and maybe he can just tell me that I’m fine. “I think I twisted my ankle.” Why does that sound like something a female ingénue would say in a 1930’s romantic comedy? He sits beside me and pats his thigh.

“Put it up here.”

I oblige and he gently removes my boot and my sock. The cold air bites right into my naked toes. Ouch. He takes off his gloves and pokes around and prods and rotates and pokes some more. Is he really looking for an injury or just torturing me for being Brian’s partner? He then puts my sock back on my foot and I manage to stuff the injured limb into my boot once again. “Well?”

“I’d prefer to see film of it to be sure, but it feels like a sprain. Keep it iced and elevated, take Advil, and don’t constrict it. It will probably swell and discolor, and you may want to wrap it loosely later to protect the joint. Stay off of it as much as you can for twenty-four hours. If it gets worse or throbs or feels hot, go to emergency and get an xray. I think it’ll be fine.”

I can’t do all that without tipping Brian. Oh well, maybe Brian will just have to deal. What was that he said about two gimps do not a whole make? Something that rude.
“You and your boyfriend are making your own little hospital ward out of that hotel room,” he teases me. I shrug.

“This trip wasn’t about skiing anyway.” He can take that any way he wants. He gives me a smile that I don’t particularly like.

“Reconciliation?”

“What do you mean?”

“Brian said you were ‘separated’.”

“Not exactly separated. Not how you mean.”

“How many ways are there to be separated?”

“A lot.” I’m liking him less by the minute.

“Being involved with Brian Kinney has to be a thankless job.”

“Someone has to do it, and that would be me,” my look for him adds the words, “not you”. We share the shuttle back. He sits beside me, uninvited.

“Funny thing,” he says, and why do I think I’m not going to laugh? “I’ll bet I’ve known Brian longer than you.”

“Doubt it. Unless you went to school with him or something.”

“No, but years ago, we first fucked in the empty bed of a room at the hospital while his friend was in a coma in the bed next to ours,” he chuckles at the memory. “The fact that his friend was near death a few feet away certainly didn’t take the edge off for Brian.”

I suddenly feel buried in an avalanche of snow. Brian fucked this guy in my room while I was in a coma? One thing I love about Brian is the image of him lingering around my room while I was vegged out, just hanging with me, watching over me. It doesn’t matter that he wasn’t celibate while I was hospitalized. Why would he be? But getting it on in the bed next to mine while I was in such terrible shape? That hurts. I don’t remember there being a second bed in that room, but maybe they moved me later, when I woke up. So much of that time is lost to me. I don’t want to give away any of my pain to Dr. Trick, so I say nothing, and stare out the window, willing him to leave me the fuck alone.

When I make it to our suite, he mutes some game he’s been watching and smiles at me. He could use a shave. I’m not in the mood to help him with that. I might just cut his throat.

“How was it?” he asks. “Let me live vicariously.”

“Good, until I fell and twisted my ankle.” So much for being a martyr. I sit on the sofa and remove my boots and socks. I wrap some ice in a towel and press it to my ankle as he stares at me.

“Do you need to see a doctor?”

“I did. Your doctor.”

“Doctor Santa?”

“Doctor Trick.”

“Where did you see him?” He asks with a wince as I glare at him.

“We shared the shuttle. He looked at it and said it was a sprain. No big deal. But it hurts.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe we need to look for sunny beaches instead of snow.”

“Brian, he told me you tricked him in the bed next to mine when I was in a coma.”

“Why would he tell you that?” His tension is apparent from across the room. I seize the moment.

“Because he’s making a point about how long he’s known you. But that’s not the issue. The issue is, you fucked him in the same room with me when I was in a coma?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Justin.”

“Why would he make it up? How else would he even know that I was in a coma?”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“One of you is lying.”

“And you think it’s me?”

I can feel his Irish rising all the way over here. I begin to doubt Dr. Trick. Brian isn’t a liar. He’d tell me if he did it. “Why would he say that?”

“It was Teddy.”

I shake my head, completely confused. “Huh?”

“Teddy was in a coma in the next bed. In fact, he woke up while we were in the middle of it. You can call him to verify, since you obviously don’t believe me.”

Oh shit. Ted had that overdose right when I first met him. Dr. Trick was right. He has known Brian as long as I have. And he never said I was the one in the next bed. I just presumed. “Fuck,” I say softly and Brian glares at me.

“You really think I’d fuck someone in your room while you were hovering between life and death? Is that what you think of me?”

Damage control. “No, Brian.” The bloody scarf, the devastation everyone said he felt, the guilt he carried after what happened, the re-creation of the dance that day in the loft with Daphne helping, the gentle caution he showed while bringing me back to life, how could I doubt him? I limp over to him and scrunch my ass into the chair with him. I can feel him stiffen, and not in a good way. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “I thought you had a higher opinion of me than that.”

“I said I’m sorry. I do have a high opinion of you, but put yourself in my place. Coma, hospital, why would I not think of myself? It was a major event in my life, you know? And he so wanted to minimize our relationship. And why did you do him again? You don’t do that.”

“Don’t try to shift this over to me.”

“I’m not. It’s a serious question.”

He ponders that for a moment and then says, “I was lonely. It was Christmas Eve. I had a bad scene with Lindsay. I went into a gay bar in Toronto and he remembered me. I didn’t remember him until he told me. It was just easy, Justin. There was no pursuit involved. Not on my side, anyway. Did he follow me here? I think so. He’s predatory. But even if you weren’t here, it wouldn’t have done him any good. I would’ve told him to pound sand.”

“Would you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t need complications in my life. You’re complicated enough. Now get your fat ass up and put ice on your ankle.”

“Fat? You are so going to pay for that!”

I retrieve the ice and the room service menu and snuggle up with him again. “I’m hungry.”

“There’s a news flash.”

“Hey, I’ve been exerting myself physically while you vegetated in this chair.”

“I think my flesh is growing into the leather.”

“There goes my appetite.”

He laughs. We’re back on familiar ground. I place an order for us and then he says, “When do you leave?”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“I have to go back to work, there’s money to be made. I’m scheduled to leave tomorrow.”

“Me too. Will you be up for a flight?”

“Sure. Are you going back to Pittsburgh or to New York?”

“Pittsburgh.”

“For how long?”

I stare into those guarded hazel eyes of his and say, “I don’t know. I think we need to talk about that.”

He nods, but I can see the glimmer of hope twinkle in his expression as he pulls me in a little closer and punches the sound up on his game. I have no idea what we’ll decide about what time I spend in Pittsburgh. We each have legitimate concerns that haven’t really been addressed, but I share his optimism for now, content to let it unwind at its own natural pace.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
 
Bow ties are cool.: Cha-cha Justinmi_nion on May 19th, 2006 09:17 am (UTC)
Ran, you are evil! For a minute there I stopped brathing thinking they would have a big blow up over the coma trick misunderstanding. Still a little nervous about the return to Pittsburgh, but at least they're back to laughing again.
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:12 am (UTC)
hehehehe
bksbracelet: your sancturybksbracelet on May 19th, 2006 09:21 am (UTC)
Fuck me it's one step forward two steps back with these two. They are so complicated in their own way it sure makes for a high maintenance ( shush ) relationship. Nice one Randall cheers Chris
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:13 am (UTC)
yes very high maintenace but that makes it interesting
armandyouidiotarmandyouidiot on May 19th, 2006 10:15 am (UTC)
I shouldn’t laugh, I shouldn’t laugh, but oh my god, Justin got hurt too?!

“Whatever I do, I can’t limp. If I limp, he’ll know.” Bahawaaaa

I wish it meant they had to stay there and mend. I worry about them losing their isolation. Isolated except for nosy Dr. Trick, grrrr. What a horrible feeling for Justin to think “Brian fucked this guy in my room while I was in a coma” Gawd! I see maturity in his talking to Brian about it instead of carrying it around or worse, running again. That was a close one. I think Justin should take the fact that Brian did a repeat as a huge neon sign of just how seriously lonely he’s been.

At least they are both headed to Pitts for now!
Kim
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:13 am (UTC)
yep for better or worse
connorblondconnorblond on May 19th, 2006 11:25 am (UTC)
wow - could have been a scene from the end of season 2 - only, now they are talking, thank God.
btw ... Dr. Trick? He.
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:14 am (UTC)
i know. he. talking being the key, of course.
Thymeoasis6028 on May 19th, 2006 11:47 am (UTC)
A different approach
Loved this chapter. It could have been so bad and Brian almost didn't fess up, but they actually talked it out. Loved the snark and the innuendoes and the wisecracks. Nobody does that better.

Gayle
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:15 am (UTC)
Re: A different approach
there was a time when brian would clam up and say to hell with him if he thinks so badly of me. trying to keep them evolving
thumpathumpa on May 19th, 2006 12:24 pm (UTC)
I was completely convinced that Justin thinking Brian slept with Dr. Trick while he was in a coma would escalate into a horrendous fight!!
Foiled again!

I don't like Dr. Trick......he gives me the willies! I think that because we don't know his motivation, not entirely anyway, he's even more of a threat. He's all nice and schmoozy, but pure evil under that glossy veneer!

rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:15 am (UTC)
i think he's one of those guys out for what he wants and if that doesnt suit you, eff you
Totallyfrelledtotallyfrelled on May 19th, 2006 12:31 pm (UTC)
I had a feeling that Justin would hurt himself - and Dr. Trick was the perfect person for him to bump into, in that situation. Just who the poor baby didn't need!
The moment he mentioned Brian's friend in a coma, I sat, on the edge of my seat, willing Justin to realize that it was Ted he was talking about! I was muttering at the screen, and debating whether, or not, I should scroll down to see if all worked out well!

The fact that Justin was pissed off and thought that he might cut Brian's throat, if he shaved him, and then, immediately told him he hurt his ankle was cute!

I'm so glad they actually discussed things, though I could feel the flash of pain from Brian when he thought that Justin didn't believe him.

Beautifully done, funny, snarky and touching, all in one!
Thanks!
Totally Frelled.
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:16 am (UTC)
thanks frelled. yeah, it was a little roller coaster of emotions
southernlilsouthernlil on May 19th, 2006 12:40 pm (UTC)
Wow, I've been out of pocket for a few days and when I come back Brian has bared his soul and Justin's got a sprained ankle from his snowboarding venture and planning on returning to Pittsburgh (at least for a bit). The mood has definitely change- shifted from hopelessness to hopeful.

Not quite sure I'm as forgiving as Brian about the whole coma/bed mix up-yeah it was tacky for him to do it while Teddy was in bed in the first place but...for Justin to think he'd do it in J's room-
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:17 am (UTC)
that woulda hurt.
Madam: BJ-ItsBeenLove1stTimeSawYousweetmadamblue on May 19th, 2006 01:40 pm (UTC)
Hmm, I thought Justin went snow boarding in Vermont? *scratches head*

Dr. Trick needs to die in an avalanche. And I TOLD you Brian shouldn't forget his rules. "No Repeats" because familiarity always causes complications. Like Now for instance. That guy is trying to hurt Justin.

I don't know that Justin is up to the fight and Brian seems to be too interested in taking the "easy road" these days where sex is concerned. Disturbing if you ask me and could cause high drama in the future.

M
Bow ties are cool.: Condommi_nion on May 19th, 2006 05:19 pm (UTC)
Didn't Justin stay he stayed in the room the whole time hoping that Brian would come join him?
(no subject) - sweetmadamblue on May 19th, 2006 05:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mi_nion on May 19th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on May 19th, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mi_nion on May 19th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
qafhappyqafhappy on May 19th, 2006 02:27 pm (UTC)
Ah, the tone of hope - it's beautiful! And SO SO SO glad they are talking. Communication makes the world go round. AND prevents (or fixes) problems.

Bravo! And thanks for writing this!
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:22 am (UTC)
thanks for reading!
queenydivaqueenydiva on May 19th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC)
Brian and Justin actually talked about an issue before it got out of hand?! Bravo! And I'm glad Justin realizes that they need to talk more about how long he's going to stay in Pittsburgh. When these boys actually talk to each other, magic happens, lol. And I don't like Dr. Trick. He's predatory in a bad way, man. *tases Dr. Trick*
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC)
amazing isnt it???
LadyoftheLight: Qaf - B/J 220 Sleepmarilla_pm67 on May 19th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC)
God I hate Dr Trick ... Well thanks to him to put some silly thought in Justin head ... **Hate him**.

Poor Justin, hurt too, not really wondering.

I love the "For how long". Hmm seems full of promises.

Thanks.
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:25 am (UTC)
yeah, my BFF is a doctor. Thankfully he doesnt read fan fiction or he's wonder why I'm always so mean to doctors!! BWAHAAA! I have so many people in my life who are docs and I adore them, yes, sherrie, beth, you guys too. Ok wait, lydia was a good doc. And dr. santa.
brianslave68brianslave68 on May 19th, 2006 04:11 pm (UTC)
Lovin' it!
Found your newest series last night Randall! Lovin' every minute of it! Nobody writes our boys like you do!
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:26 am (UTC)
Re: Lovin' it!
Thanks!! Glad you found it, let me know what you think!
claudj28claudj28 on May 19th, 2006 04:52 pm (UTC)
Well, I've already told you I think of Jeffrey every time Dr. Trick is mentioned, and I don't like him just as little as Jeffrey! lol

So you had to hurt Justin as well?! I have to admit I had to snicker because of that. They just can't catch a break...*eg* But hey - a split distress is half a distress (sorry, translating a 'saying' into another language is pretty difficult, but I hope it made sense).

You know what I loved most? The change in their usual behavior. Justin had a problem with something - he didn't hesitate in talking with Brian about it. Brian being confronted - and yet remaining honest and open. Them having an argument - they talk it over until it's not an issue anymore. And after all that they are able to joke together... in my opinion that is one of the most important things in a relationship.

Now I'm really looking forward how you'll find a resolution for Brians and Justins dilemma. I liked that Justin saw the glimmer of hope in Brians eyes! But, I adored the whole last paragraph. It expresses what I feel, just like my emotions developed exactly like both of their emotions. Thanks for making me smile again (and I needed that!) !!!
queenydivaqueenydiva on May 20th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC)
Hmm...I think your saying means, "A worry shared is a worry halved" in English (but don't hold me to that, lol)!
(no subject) - claudj28 on May 20th, 2006 08:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on May 19th, 2006 05:45 pm (UTC)
I don't quite get all the hate for Dr. Trick. Sure he's not the nicest guy around, but so far he hasn't done anything particularly evil. So he wants Brian -- that description applies to one or two (hundred) other guys as well. He was competitive with Justin, but Justin can handle that, and will need to with other guys in the future. The only thing that threw this off here was the coincidence of both Ted and Justin having been in comas at different points. Justin shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so fast, but, as he said, it was an important event in his life and, as he didn't say, he's feeling vulnerable right now. The good news is that they handled this potential disaster relatively well, for them. The boys may actually grown up. Wouldn't that be a shock.
Ann Marie
rand_altrand_alt on May 20th, 2006 11:28 am (UTC)
yeah total shocker. I agree about the doc, he's just out for his.